Musings, tips and the occasional rant from the world of online dating.

August 30, 2005

Closing Off Communication on eHarmony

by @ 8:39 pm. Filed under eHarmony

On eHarmony when you have decided that you don’t want to communicate or continue conversing with a match, you close off communication. To do this you click the Close Match button at the bottom of a matches profile page. When doing so you can choose from a list of reasons provided by eHarmony. You can choose multiple reasons from the list if you wish.

The reasons you can choose from are:

I think our family backgrounds are too different.
This reason makes good sense if you have been communicating for a while and you feel your families just don’t mesh well or that your lives are too different to go any further.

I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
This one makes little sense to me. Why are you paying to use and online dating service if you have too much going on at the moment. I guess you could have bought a multi-month subscription and life just got busy but that is what the put a match on hold feature is for.

I don’t feel that the chemistry is there.
This reason only makes sense to me if you have actually met the person. A few people have actually closed of communication with me after just reading my introductory info page and then chose this reason. If you are looking for chemistry from a photo and a few words of text, good luck to yah!

I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit.
This is a good reason if your Must Haves and Can’t Stands just don’t mix. If you can’t see yourself fitting in with a lot of these, then closing off communication is probably best for both parties. If though most of them sound ok to you and just a couple don’t, keep communicating and ask for clarification on these later.

I think the physical distance between us is too great.
If you are using this one a lot then you probably ought to narrow your search criteria to a smaller area. Although you never know what one is looking for. I was recently closed off by somebody in a city that shares a borderline with my city with this reason. If this is the case maybe you should widen your search.

I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
This means I have no interest in you but I am trying to be nice about it. This is the, It’s not you it’s me, reasoning for closing things off.

I am pursuing another relationship.
Again this is what the hold feature is for unless you are really serious about your present relationship. If that is the case though, why haven’t you canceled your eHarmony service and why are you still logging in?

I’m just not ready for the next step.
Why are you on a dating service like eHarmony that is geared for people seeking long-term relationships? There are other online dating services that may be more what you are looking for. If you are just looking for a few dates then try Match.com or Yahoo! Personals, although there are many people using those sites that are looking for long-term companionship also.

I am taking a break from dating.
See, I have too much happening in my life at the moment above.

I would rather not say.
This is as bad as choosing Other, see below.

This match never responded to my request to communicate.
This happens for various reasons including that the person never signed up for eHarmony. After some time has passed and you have received no response, you should close things off. Free up you list of matches. Give it a decent amount of time though, not everyone gets online daily or multiple times a day as you might.

I think the difference in age between us is too great.
This is another reason that makes no sense to me. You can choose an age range for your prospective matches. So, if this is the case maybe you should change your settings. The minimum age range is 6 years. Choose any 6-year range you like, only those that fall into that range will be matched with you if you fall into theirs.

I think the difference in our values is too great.
This again is a good reason. Similar to: I think our family backgrounds are too different above. If after communicating for a while you realize that you are just too different values wise then closing off the match is a prudent thing to do.

Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match.
This is the only reason I can see using if you don’t want to communicate at all with a match. It is possible that statements in their profile are just not right. I have seen a few of these in my time on eHarmony. When you finish reading their introductory info and all that comes to mind is run, run as fast as you can. Maybe you should use your instinct and close the match down.

Because there are no photos posted/I couldn’t see any photos.
I understand this reason but I don’t really get it. I have a couple of photos up. So I have never been closed off for this reason, maybe just the opposite. If no photos are your reasoning for closing off a match, you might want to consider a few things. Some people just don’t know how to get a photo uploaded to the service and don’t take the time to mail one in. Others are just leery of putting their face online for all to see. If you take the time to communicate with them a little you could probably get them to change their mind. How many good-looking and attractive people do you know that don’t think they are. Or don’t think they look good in pictures. Or are just a little shy. These are all possibilities you may want to find out about before clicking that close button. You can close off at anytime. Why do it so early?

Because I was put on Hold.
If you have been put on Hold and some time has passed with out the hold being changed back, then closing things off is fine.

This is perhaps the unkindest reason that you could possibly choose. In the rare case that none of the other reasons fit then ok. But how often is that the case? I have had this one used on me before any communication has taken place. Seems in that case that: Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match would be a better choice.

Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony
This is the best reason of all to close out communication within the eHarmony system because hopefully you have actually met someone and things have moved beyond anonymous emailing.

These are the reasons that you can choose to close off communication in the eHarmony system. Some of them make sense. Others don’t. Some only work in certain situations. Don’t be in such a hurry to close things off. Especially on a service like eHarmony that only matches you with people that are compatible with you.

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e·woo·ing v. To seek the affection of with intent to romance via online dating.

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