Well yesterday was new picture day. The photo I had been using on eHarmony was just over a year old. I posted How to Get Better Online Dating Photos a few days ago. From that list I went with the first idea so far. A professional photographer, you know standing in front of weird colored backdrops trying to unnaturally create a natural looking picture. No forced smiles, weird grins or funny looks. That was the goal anyway. Out of 20 or so good shots, there were about 5 that I actually sort of liked.

I fall into the category of un-photogenic people. I don’t like to be in pictures because I don’t think I come off very well most of the time. At least after viewing some of these shots I hope that is the case. As the camera only duplicates what is sees is true, but it is just a split second representation. Just before or just after you may have actually looked good. I can count on one-hand photos taken of me over my 32 years that I like. Unfortunately an incredibly charming photo of you when you were 12 does you no good.

Some people just naturally shine in photographs. Some just don’t. Some look good in pictures, but that is where they should stay. Others should stay away from the camera because it just doesn’t do them justice and still others should stay away for other reasons. This is a problem for online daters. All we have to go on is the photos people post of themselves online. So we need to post something. It might as well be something good or at least as good as it can be.

Online dating profiles with pictures get significantly more views than ones without. This includes the profiles with the incredibly bad photos and shots you just can’t believe anyone would put online. So you should make the best of this fact and put up something decent that gives a respectable and honest representation of what you look like. If you actually meet someone in person they are going to notice if that is not the case. An instantly disappointed date is not what we are going for here.

We need to put our best photo forward, so to speak. So I went to Sunset Portraits in Everett, WA to get a few shots taken. Hoping a professional could get a good shot of me. Well at least the lighting would be good anyways. No face in the dark of a poorly lit and flash-less photo. No special effects. No need for red-eye removal. Just a decent shot of me for use online.

Not in the Everett/Seattle, WA area and want to try using a professional photographer, take a look at LookBetterOnline. You can search their network of photographers for one in your area and view samples of their work.

I recently posted about Truth in Online Dating. How do you go about gauging the truthfulness of an online dater? Well you pretty much have to go with your gut. Although there are a few things you can do to navigate the world of online dating a little better.

• People have been known to Google a prospective online suitor to find out more about them.
• Read what they say in their profiles carefully. Do they seem to share some bits of personal information? Or, are they too limited? Do they seem to be reticent about who they are or what they are looking for?
• Check to see if they have posted more than one profile. Most won’t have changed much of their info but will have posted a profile with a different age or something.
• If everything look pretty good but their photos are not that great, ask them if they could send you some others. If they don’t want to maybe you should keep on looking.
• Ask them questions about info in their profile. Try to get some details about what they like to do or what kind of work they do. Ask yourself if what they are telling you sounds legitimate or not? If not, move on.

And know for some there is another way. You could check a profile that has caught your attention at a site like TrueDater. I came across them after reading an article at Red Nova on the subject of honesty in online dating.

You can check profiles of people from some of the large dating sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. You just need your prospects screen name and a free account at TrueDater. You can search and see what others who have had contact with this person think about them. An online rating of an online dater that has peeked your interest, it is an interesting idea.

A possible problem with the site is that anyone can sign-up. You can give yourself a good recommendation. So be a little wary of the results you get here. Since it is in Beta (meaning not quite ready for primetime) it could still get better. You can just use it as another instrument in your online dating toolkit. Don’t let technology take over completely. Use common sense and follow your gut. If it is speaking to you, you should probably listen.

My dad said to me today that he had read my post yesterday and that maybe the match in question just didn’t like my photo and moved on. This is a definite possibility since the pictures posted are of me. Not much I can do about it though. As my uncle once told a customer while running an old time photo booth at a casino, “look lady, the camera only records what it sees”. Maybe an upgrade in the quality of my photo is in order though. The picture will still be of me, yet maybe it could show me in a better light, so to speak.

How do you go about getting a good picture of yourself to post online?

• If you know any professional photographers or amateurs for that matter, get them to snap a few photos of you or at least get some advice on how to take a good photo.
• Next time you are going out with some friends or to a party etc., make sure you take along a digital camera. Don’t have one. Find a friend who does. You are probably looking your best at this time anyway. So, snap away.
• Take a night with a friend and take a bunch of photos of you doing different things. After a few dozen digital pics, you should be able to find one that you and your friend like. Not the mention the shear fun that you could have doing this.
• Don’t know any photographers, no digital camera; don’t have any friends or the above just sounds like too much of a hassle then try a service like LookBetterOnline. They will help you find a professional in you area that will get you looking your best.

These are just a few things that can possibly make the pictures you use online a little better. Just remember what my uncle said and go out there and get shooting.

As of yesterday I had 4 new matches on eHarmony. As of today 2 have already closed off communication without having done any communicating. The other two seem to be people who have not signed up for the service, as they have not completed their introductory info yet. So nothing will probably come from any of these matches. Yet it makes me wonder, what people are looking for? Why do they close off communication so quickly?

One closed off communication choosing: I have too much happening in my life at the moment as their reason. See previous entry: Closing Off Communication on eHarmony for what I think about using that reason. The other closed off communication using the reason: Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match. This is the reason I would use for closing off things this early. But, why close off this early is my question?

I attempt to communicate with pretty much every match I get at eHarmony. I am paying good money in an attempt to find someone who might be compatible for the long-term should there be chemistry. This type of dating site lends itself to fewer possibilities than the big sites like Match.com or Yahoo! Personals. So, why would I instantly limit the possibilities even more without attempting to get to know some of these matches? Why do people close off so quickly? I don’t know. If you do, let me know.

So I decided to look at this a little closer. I looked at the close off with the reason of statements in their profile. In her profile she states that she is looking for someone who is honest, has an easygoing personality, is of strong character and has a good sense of humor. I may be biased but I think if you asked my friends, family, coworkers or even acquaintances that these are qualities that they would say I have. Some might even say that I am too easygoing and joke around too much. Like you can joke around too much. Yet none of these, in my opinion, are qualities that you can evaluate very well with just a picture and a few words of text. Maybe the sense of humor can be judged and she didn’t think what I wrote in response to a couple of questions was funny.

Under things that she is thankful for she put: family, friends and health. This is the exact same thing that I have for that answer. Under leisure activities she states being a ‘golf junkie’. My profile states that golf is one of my favorite activities. These were all things that peaked my interest in possibly getting to know her, yet did nothing for her in wanting to get to know me.

The eHarmony site says we could be compatible. We have a few things in common. She didn’t want to communicate, I would have. Still not sure what people are looking for or at least don’t understand the ways in which they go about trying to find it. I thought the purpose of online dating was to use the power of the Internet to meet people that you otherwise would not have ever probably met. Thus raising your chances of meeting a special someone. The key word above being meet, as of now this doesn’t seem to be so much the case. So the journey continues…