Musings, tips and the occasional rant from the world of online dating.

November 3, 2006

What Are Your Dating Deal Breakers?

by @ 6:59 pm. Filed under Dating, eHarmony

So, what are your deal breakers in dating? You know, those serious issues that you can’t get past or don’t feel you are ready to deal with. Like stepping into a relationship with someone who has kids and you don’t. Not wanting to travel to date someone online, like out of state for example. Maybe the person shows signs of being abusive or they just treat people poorly in general. The things you come across and just know that you can’t go any further in pursuing a relationship.

What about if the person you have met online shops at Wal-Mart? That’s right, Wal-Mart.

Well, I got an email from eHarmony telling me that I had a new match that was requesting communication. So I logged on and read her profile page and saw her picture and started down the guided communication path with her. After a couple of weeks we got to the Open Communication stage.

Seeing that she had initiated the contact that left it my turn to send the first email. So I went back to her profile to reread it before I asked her any questions. When I got there she had added some new information to her profile page that hadn’t been there previously.

Two of the things she said were that if you shop at Wal-Mart or love our President then just close off communication now. Two of her dating deal breakers were people who loved George Bush or shopped at Wal-Mart. I actually laughed out loud. I wouldn’t say I love George Bush but I felt that any leanings towards him, or the conservative side of the political spectrum, would be too much for her. Also I have shopped at Wal-Mart so I am sure that would put me in the shallow end of this woman’s dating pool. I wasn’t sure what to write now, so I put it off a bit.

I was trying to think of what to say, as I didn’t want to close things off with no explanation. I don’t like when that happens to me but all that came to mind was an email that went something like this:

Hi ****,

I just wanted to let you know that I am going to close out communication with you do to your dating deal breakers that I just read. It seems they are new to your profile since we first started communicating. As I sit here typing this message in my I Heart George Bush t-shirt I recently purchased at Wal-Mart, a single tear runs down my face as I thought we might have been good together.


I never got a chance to send that email because a few days later when I logged back in she had already closed off communication with me. No big loss really as who would want to date someone who felt so strongly about where a potential date shopped. I can think of a lot of possible deal breakers people could have but where they shop or their political leanings don’t really make the list for me.

Take for instance Mary Matalin and James Carville. They are pretty far apart politically but fell in love and have been married for almost 13 years now. They have two daughters and seem happy. So would political differences be a deal breaker for you? How about where someone shops?

What are your dating deal breakers? What would keep you from pursuing a relationship with someone? Let us know in the comments.

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10 Responses to “What Are Your Dating Deal Breakers?”

  1. Scott Grey (from eHarmony Cracked) Says:

    Hi, Jason!

    Here’s one of my standards: I’m a great catch.

    If a woman closes me out prematurely… cool. There are plenty more who ARE interested.

    Why waste time with a woman who isn’t interested in meeting me? And why should I get so worked up over a woman who I’ve never even met?

    Now, I’m free to meet someone who’s much more compatible.

    Just a thought…

    And, yes, I’m every bit as arbitrary as any woman on the service. :-)

  2. Steve Riehler Says:

    Hi Jason!

    That is a weird story, but somehow it just shows, that online dating is often not as easy as most adverts want us to make believe it is. I never understand though, why people would chose the most awkward things to be their suggested deal breakers, as your example of Mary and James perfectly shows that there are no rules for any engagement once love hits the spot.


    Free Online Dating Services

  3. Jason Griffin Says:

    Hey Scott,

    I don’t want to waste time with women who aren’t interested either. I just thought that those were some pretty funny reasons to use to qualify who you are willing to go out with.


    I agree with you. A lot of us use some pretty funny rules in attempting to find that special someone. I think there are a lot of potetial special someones out there and we keep many of them away in this type of fashion and then wonder why we spend so many nights sitting home alone.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  4. summersjoy Says:

    The main ingredients required in a good relationship is being attracted to each other and being able to understand each other. Online dating allows for both, but it seems to me that both men and women will probably be a little bit more shallow in there selection online than in real life.

  5. Ruby Says:

    Iihave just worked through one of my deal breakers. I prefer not to date someone who smokes or drinks heavily, and I don;t want to date someone who is a slob becasue I love to eat well and work out. But I do have a complete no go zone.
    If a guy commits to something then doesn’t follow through, and does it consistently 9hey everyone deserves a couple of chances…) then that is it for me.
    Intergrity- or a lack of is my deal breaker.

  6. Jay Krunszyinsky Says:

    I like to see an evaluation process in the dating game. Too many times people fall in love with pure feelings and never see the red flags to what may cause hurt and harm to the relationship down the road. The relationship con artists are hoping that people can be manipulated through emotions.

  7. Sami Abbado Says:

    I was talking about it the other day, with my girlfriend.
    She said, her deal breaker would be if she saw me kissing another woman, or even flirting with her on the phone.

    mine is definetly in case she slept, or even make out with someone else….so it is more the physical aspect of things.


  8. nick Says:

    that depends on who your dating and how they are treating you. these key factors tell you whether or not they are right for you.

  9. Cameron Sharpe Says:

    Its better to start with new life, reason is why to care for those person who does not care for you. If he or she had some feeling for you he should not have cheated you, so better with new life, forget the past.

  10. Cameron Sharpe Says:

    For me : one of the great romantic date ideas is to spend it out with nature. Go on a picnic trip in a secluded area with a great view. Or a candle lit dinner in your own backyard, patio or terrace. Use the stars as your backdrop and the candles to create intimacy.

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e·woo·ing v. To seek the affection of with intent to romance via online dating.

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